(relationship) death by a thousand cuts ☠
Part 2 of 2: The Revival
In Part 1, I showed you how marriages and long-term relationships (LTRs) tend to march slowly towards their end when small acts of disconnection build up over time.
So how can you avoid this? Or better yet, reverse this trend and rebuild your relationship in tiny but meaningful steps?
If a relationship can be killed from death by a thousand cuts, then conversely, it can be built to last through steady and consistent acts of respect, caretaking, and appreciation.
Here are some small acts you can do everyday to build up positive relationship energy:
Make your partner's coffee and have it ready for them at the time they usually have it.
Send your partner a quick “you're on my mind” text, or show interest in how they're day is going.
Start cooking dinner without any prompting from your partner.
Compliment your partner on their appearance.
Tell your partner one thing you're grateful for about them or your relationship. Bonus: Make this a daily habit!
If you have kids and/or pets, do a task for them that your partner would normally have to do as a way to lessen their workload that day.
Express interest in having a date soon and take the initiative to set one up (including making the babysitting plans, if needed).
Grab some oil and give your partner a relaxing massage at bed time.
Ask your partner about how things are going with their (insert hobby, current interest, or best friend).
The key to making these acts REALLY count is to do these things to show your love with ZERO expectation of anything in return.
You don't want to create a quid pro quo type of vibe in your relationship. This breeds resentment.
When you reverse engineer the slow decline that can easily happen without realizing it, it's easy to see how small acts can be the exact way to build a solid and loving union that can handle even the roughest of seasons in life.
What tiny acts do you do each day to keep your marriage or LTR going strong?
Great question, Nathan! I'd say one can expect them but still openly display appreciation for these acts. Our loved ones often need to hear that they're valued and appreciated.
What would be your advice for partners that see these acts as ‘normal’ and expect them instead of appreciating them? Of course, a lot should come naturally but where do you mind the right middle?