the essential guide to choosing singlehood: part 1 of 3 🤍
A Dating Byte
Years ago, a female friend with a new boyfriend asked me “so, how long do you plan to be single?”
My reply, “how long do you plan to be in your new relationship?”
It was an irritating and odd question on the face of it and I couldn't resist the temptation to reveal the absurdity of it.
At that time, I'd just ended a 6 yr long-term relationship (LTR) and felt sad but also elated about my new found freedom!
I was in my mid-20s and all I could think about is how sweet it would be to focus on myself while exploring the dating market.
On the other hand, her LTR had just ended and she was openly relieved to be in another one IMMEDIATELY! She'd been single for all of 2 weeks and found it unbearable.
That friendship didn't survive the test of time (shocking, I know). But what did survive was the emotional memory I had of that conversation.
I felt annoyed and genuinely perplexed by this kind of thinking.
She may as well had been saying “you should try running with bulls... it's an amazing cardio workout!” It just didn't compute in my head.
I'm absolutely certain that some version of this conversation plays out thousands of times everyday across the world.
The social pressure to partner and marry is by no means unique to the U.S.
I wrote this guide to help you confidently choose singlehood whether you're in your 20s or your golden years. These are essential considerations and strategies to navigate your abundant single life.
There are 5 areas included in this guide:
Having a Robust Social Life While Choosing Singlehood
Navigating Family & Friend Relationships While Choosing Singlehood
Staying Mentally Fit While Choosing Singlehood
Dating While Choosing Singlehood
Financial & Legal Considerations of Singlehood
Here in Part 1, I cover the first on this list.
But first, some quick stats… 🤓
As of 2021, a record-high 25% of 40-year-olds in the United States had never been married.
This marks a significant increase from 20% merely a decade earlier, in 2010.
If you find yourself CHOOSING singlehood, you have plenty of company!
The majority of single adults in America prefer to keep it that way and aren’t looking for a relationship, or even casual dating.
Being single varies throughout the lifespan.
Based on how the numbers go, there appears to be a U-shaped curve in the percentage of single adults based on age.
This is how it breaks down:
Adults under 30 are the most likely age group to be single (47%)
Adults aged 30-49 are the least likely to be single (21%)
About one-third of adults 50-64 and 65+ are single
One can expect that even if you marry at some point, there’s a good chance that you’ll be divorced or widowed if you make it to your golden years, especially if you’re a woman.
(Also, “gray divorce” is on the rise but that’s a topic for another post.)
Now that you’ve got some context for how widespread singlehood is, let’s look at how you can make it best work for you!
Having a Robust Social Life While Choosing Singlehood
Want proof that you can have a thriving and active social life while single?
Watch just 1 episode of the iconic sitcom, The Golden Girls, and you’ll get it.
No one kept it more real, spicy, and hilarious than Blanche, Rose, Dorothy, and the brazen and unfiltered matriarch, Sophia.
Even as a teenager, I’d watch this show and think “if my social life even comes close to that in my later years, I’ll be living my best life!”
Sure, this was just a show produced somewhere in Hollywood. But it shows the strong bonds singles often have with their support network and how lively these relationships can be!
As it turns out, single adults tend to have larger social networks than their married counterparts.
This means more friends and acquaintances. And there’s some evidence that they're more likely to maintain their friendships than married folks.
By contrast, married adults may have more focused social lives with their social circles revolving more around their partner, their family, and their partner’s family.
Travel is another way to keep your single social life spirited…
As a single person, you have the freedom to travel solo and meet new people along the way which can be especially fun for extroverts and explorer types!
And travel can be easier to plan since you only have one person’s schedule to accommodate. (Although, if you have kids and/or fur babies scheduling does get more complex.)
Also, you can choose to travel with relatives, friends, or even travel groups made especially for singles. There are tons of these groups on Meetup, like:
The Never Travel Solo Club in D.C.
The NY Singles Travel Club in New York City
There are also singles travel groups that get more demographically specific like:
The Black Travel Club for Black singles
He Travel for gay singles
Singles 50 and Over Travel Club for older singles
Comments are encouraged here!
Do you think singles have a more robust social life than married and partnered folks? Have you ever traveled while single?
Check out Part 2 of this series on “Navigating Family & Friend Relationships While Choosing Singlehood” and “Staying Mentally Fit While Choosing Singlehood.”
Great post! Looking forward to parts 2 and 3. It reminds me of this splendid meme a few years back that went something like, "Please don’t ask how I’m single. I don’t ask how you’re still married." 🤣