In Part 1 of this guide, I gave you some fun stats about singlehood in the U.S. and covered âHaving a Robust Social Life While Choosing Singlehood.â
And in Part 2, we looked at âNavigating Family & Friend Relationships While Choosing Singlehoodâ and âStaying Mentally Fit While Choosing Singlehood.â
Here, Part 3 covers:
Dating While Choosing Singlehood
Financial & Legal Considerations of Singlehood
Dating While Choosing Singlehood
I admit that I've never watched 1 full episode of Friends.
Besides, Seinfeld was the greatest sitcom in history. Period. But I was definitely a Living Single fan!
This gem of a â90s sitcom made Singlehood look like an empowering, fashionable, hip, and much more exciting choice than being tied down by marriage, especially in New York City in a â90s kinda worldâ. đ”
As a teenager in the â90s, I watched every week and thought about how cool it would be to be in my 20s, living in a big city with a big fancy career, and seeing what wild and fun experiences the dating world had to offer me. It sounded like a constant sexy party with hits from Aliyah and Biggie on the soundtrack.
As an adult, I now understand how truly hard dating can be especially in a world thatâs not just post-Internet, but one in which everyone has a mini computer at their fingertips.
Weâre so connected by tech today and yet so much more disconnected by tech, which means that dating looks vastly different - and definitely more avoidant - than it did decades ago.
Understand that choosing Singlehood doesnât mean rejecting dating. It can absolutely include dating. The main difference is that youâre not dating with the intention of finding a committed relationship or marriage.
Maybe youâre dating for occasional romantic companionship, or for casual sex. Or maybe youâre dating from a polyamorous angle and prefer to have short-term relationships and sexual arrangements with no particular primary partner, so that you maintain your autonomy and Singlehood.
Perhaps even, youâre a âunicornâ for a married couple - âsomeone who engages in sexual activity with a couple but does not participate in other aspects of the relationship.â
Whatever the case, dating while choosing Singlehood can work well if you:
Are honest with yourself first about your needs, wants, and desires
Are clear about your intentions with those youâre dating
Regularly check in with yourself to see whatâs shifting over time (e.g., If youâve gotten to a place of wanting to âunchooseâ Singlehood and look for a committed relationship), and
Protect your health and the health of your dating partners with safe sex practices
Financial & Legal Considerations of Singlehood
Choosing Singlehood may be your ideal choice but people rarely talk about the fact that it's more expensive to live as a single person than as a couple. Even travel becomes more costly when youâre single.
Sure, you can make your housing more affordable by finding roommates⊠just like you can lower your hand down into a blender and press âfinely chop.â
Ever watched Worst Roommate Ever? Just sayin.
Although itâs more expensive to live as a single person than married, apparently many people are still making it work.
For example, being single isnât stopping many American women from reaching their goals of home ownership. As of 2022, single women own more homes than single men in the U.S., with 58% of the homes owned by singles being owned by women.
This isnât a new trend. Go back a quarter of a century ago and single women owned even more of the share: 64% of the almost 25 million homes owned by unmarried Americans.
Of course, part of this trend is about longevity and lifespan as women tend to outlive men in the U.S. If you look at people age 65 and older, women account for roughly two-thirds of single headed households.
Yes, itâs more expensive to live as a single person but if you want to choose Singlehood indefinitely, know that you can still make it work financially. Here are some tips:
Find an affordable neighborhood that you love! Yes, they still exist even in the U.S.
Consider a small living space like a studio or one-bedroom apartment, or a house with a small square footage thatâs easy to maintain alone.
Consider roommates but obviously make sure theyâre sane and responsible. Not the kind that end up on a Dateline episode. Background and reference checks can help but most importantly pay attention to your intuitive feelings about potential new roommates. Your gut feelings are valuable!
Don't be afraid to negotiate or ask for discounts on your housing costs. You often have more bargaining power than you think.
Legal considerations while choosing Singlehood are also important, especially as you age.
All of us should consider things like living wills and power of attorney at some point in life, but this becomes even more crucial if you donât have a spouse or long-term partner to speak on your behalf should something happen to you.
If you fall ill and are on life support, who will make medical decisions on your behalf if youâre unmarried, unpartnered, and have no living parents or siblings?
Depending on where you live, this kind of scenario is not easily answered by the law.
Unfortunately, certain laws (e.g., family law, tax laws) and certain economic benefits are set up to favor those in nuclear traditional family structures.
This means that if you choose Singlehood or just about anything outside of legal marriage, you may not automatically get the same legal and financial protections.
Ideally, your âchosen familyâ or âframilyâ should be able to help support and protect you in these ways if you donât fit into the standard boxes for how you live your life.
This is exactly why Diana Adams founded the Chosen Family Law Center. So that polyamorous, LGBTQIA, platonic co-parents, and other underserved families can design their own legal structures in a way that is truly individually tailored and not dictated by antiquated laws.
Overall, the purpose of this section of this series is not to offer you legal advice for how to navigate Singlehood. Rather, I hope it gives you some crucial things to consider that havenât yet been on your radar.
This entire series has covered:
Having a Robust Social Life While Choosing Singlehood
Navigating Family & Friend Relationships While Choosing Singlehood
Staying Mentally Fit While Choosing Singlehood
Dating While Choosing Singlehood
Financial & Legal Considerations of Singlehood
If choosing Singlehood is best for you, I hope this series has helped!
This is the last message Iâll leave you with:
Ultimately, you owe NO ONE an explanation for how you live your life. Period. And you only get one because this is not a dress rehearsal.
If Singlehood is your jam I hope you fully embrace it and step into your power to live your life on your terms. Contentment, joy, and freedom will be inevitable side effects.
Comments are encouraged here!
Have you found good ways to date while also choosing Singlehood?
Are there other financial and legal aspects not included here?
I wanted friends like the group on Living Single. A good mix of men and women, some family, some chosen family but people that CHOOSE each other and care for each other. I want that or The Golden Girls. :- D
In 2018 I decided to stop paying over $1K for a town home to only live in my bedroom. I sold all my things except what fit in my car and I rent a room in an owned home. Roomie J is a travel agent. My rent pays a large part of her mortgage and lets me keep living expenses low. This allowed me to buy a new(er) car, pay off debt, and travel much more frequently than I'd been able to before. I can watch the house, pick up her mail and be here for deliveries, etc while she is gallivanting the planet. It was the best decision for both of us at the time. She was single when I moved in and now she's married. I thought I would move out but it honestly works for us. He takes care of the heavy lifting stuff- garbage duty, repairs, etc. I would like to have my own spot, but even condo prices are higher than I am paying for rent and I am spoiled after living in this house. I also don't want to live in this city after retirement so buying a place to sell it a few years later doesn't appeal to me.
I do like having options though and not considering anyone else's finances in those options.
I've got to get on my will, however I do have life insurance.